Star Trek

I'm kind of a Star Trek nerd. Well, I'm nerdy in many ways, love of start trek is just one facet of my nerdiness, I suppose. Can I just say, the new movie was awesome! There seems to be this idea going around the web that Trekkies don't like the movie because it's too "cool". Now granted, I am not one of those true Trekkies who dress up in my star trek uniform just to hang out in my basement. I only wear my uniform for special occasions. :) But I loved loved loved the new movie, and I believe most of the supposed critique of the movie by the trekkie community are just rumors. There is a short video which depicts Trekkies bashing the movie, but its made by the onion. And although its pretty obvious that its fake, there was a lot of comments about it afterward to the affect of, "the funniest part about it is thats actually what the trekkies are saying! What a bunch of nerds." Well, I honestly couldn't find any negative reviews period. Maybe I just don't know where the die-hard fans post? I suspect the reason why non -trekkies are so eager to say trekkies hate this movie is because that makes it easier to like it. If the nerds like the movie too, how can you like it and still be cool?

Well, sorry, but the nerds love it. I don't think I have delusions about the original star trek movies, I know they're not "cool", but I loved them anyway despite the shortcomings. Still, that doesn't mean I can't appreciate coolness. And for me, the first time I saw it there something surprisingly personal about the new Star Trek; it was like suddenly having the head-cheerleader say my name. Felt a little strange, but great. Its my new favorite movie. And I don't care if everyone else likes it too, It's awesome. And thats the truth :)-

Nursing is easy...

Because of a fun little conversation I had with some friends and family the other day, I've been thinking a lot about nursing lately. There is a statistic going around (and I have learned that its true, or at least as true as any statistic can be proved to be). That more educated women are more likely to nurse and to nurse for a longer period of time. Now I am not exactly sure what we mean by this when we say it. Of course the insinuation is that smarter women nurse. But that's silly. And the statistic itself is very strange to me because my college experience definitely didn't directly prepare me to want to nurse, in fact quite the opposite. Many people wouldn't expect to see educated and high class women nurse for very long, if at all; Even though the statistic suggests that those are precisely the type of women that are doing it. And maybe that's why we make such a big deal about it. As nursing women, we are tired of being looked down on for no reason. And society just hasn't caught on yet that this is the enlightened, cool thing to do.

Well, that may explain why we like the statistic, and why its spread around in nursing circles like wildfire, but I still wonder how it could possibly be true. What is it about being educated that makes women nurse longer? If its not the learning or atmosphere itself? (And believe me, its not). What is it about going to school that prepares us in any way for breastfeeding. Well, I think I've figured it out. It comes down to seemingly futile endurance. Maybe everyone's experience with school isn't the same as mine, but I had more than a few moments of, "what the heck am I still doing this for?" School was hard, but nursing, for all its beauty and ease is one of the hardest things I've ever had to stick out in my whole life. Its painful, boring, frustrating, painful, you get sick of being the only one able to "fix" the crying, the baby takes way way longer to sleep through the night, and did I mention painful? And most of the time it seems oh so futile. You have to wonder why you are torturing yourself. There are great formulas out there, right? It would be nice to share that responsibility and get some rest. But somehow we pull through, maybe just because school trained us to do; stick it out.

Well, of course its not quite that simple. Wikipedia had this to say, "More highly educated women are more likely to have access to information regarding difficulties with breastfeeding, allowing them to continue breastfeeding through difficulty rather than weaning early." That's probably true too. I also heard on a news segment that support from other nursing mothers or family is also a hugely contributing factor to breastfeeding. Hey, that's how women survive everything. But I gotta say, the main reason I kept up with nursing was pure laziness. Laziness beat out over pain and frustration. Nursing is always, always available and conveniant, and especially once the pain goes away, you can sleap right through it. Don't get me wrong, I love it. Its a special mommy time with my baby, gives me peace of mind, and there are tons of physical benefits for me and the wee one. But for the first little while, Its really hard to see that, and if I wasn't so lazy, I probably wouldn't have done it. And I really believe that in most cases, bottlefeeding has very few if any negative consequences, and lots of benefits. The most serious problems with bottle-feeding only occur in infants who have an inclination toward certain health problems in the first place. Which means that most kids are not adversely affected. There is a chance for serious problems, but its hard to ignore that there doesn't seem to be a huge difference in most kids.

So although I really hope that everyone who want to can nurse as long as is good for their kids, I cannot blame or judge those who can't, or those that quit early. I'll say it again, IT IS HARD! Its worth it, but hard. And though it gets better after the first month, that will probably not the be the end of the difficulty for you. So maybe rather than just telling one another that more educated women nurse, Lets just support one another, no matter what we decide.

How to win friends and influence people

When I was a young teen, my Dad gave me this book and told me it was a book that had changed his life. I read it, loved it but have ever since then found myself needing to defend it. Its not a new book, the first edition was first published 1964 I believe. Since that time, there has grown a lot of misconceptions about it. Probably for good reason. One of my friends said it might as well have been called how to eliminate enemies and manipulate people. Kind of has a nice ring to it actually. And more than just the title, there are elements of the book that sound really manipulative. For instance, listen to this list skills that are covered by chapters in the book:

* THREE FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE

* THE SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU

* THE TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING

* THE NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT

I consider myself a nice person, I don't like manipulation. If my father hadn't given me this book and told me to read it, I would never have done so and probably would have been suspicious and judgemental about people who did read it. I mean, for goodness sake, techniques in handling people? and the last one might as well have said how to fix people without arousing suspicion.

Well, over the years I've noticed that those who say this is a worthless manipulative book are those who have not read it. I've never hear anyone who has read it say anything but absolute life-changing, positive things about it. And to those who did say negative things about it, I almost always have said, "well, yes it could be used for manipulation, but that wasn't the intent so its not a manipulative book." But I've changed my mind. Someone who reads this book from beginning to end couldn't truly use it for manipulation. I know that may be hard to believe, and I probably won't convince you (you'll probably have to read it for yourself) but let me give you some examples of the actual content, and perhaps I can change your mind.

In the chapter about honest and sincere appreciation:

"people sometimes become invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance. . . some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find, in the dreamland of insanity, the feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality. If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity."

and from a chapter about becoming genuinely interested in other people:

"For years, I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends. How? Although I haven't the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of ones birth has anything to do with character and disposition.I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth. I then kept repeating the date to myself and the minute my friends back was turned, I wrote it down and transferred it to a birthday book. And when that day arrived, there was my letter or telegram. I was frequently the only person who remembered."

and :

"Why talk about what we want? that is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. . . if you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself."

This book is a study in psychology and sociology. But in my opinion, it could have been just as easily named "How to be a caring, unselfish influence in the lives of those around you."
Then why wasn't it? Well, I think partially because Dale Carnegie believes what he said in that last paragraph. He believes the readers will not read a book in order to care better for others, but that we would only do it if it got us what we want.

And, as I said, its not just the title, honestly he does make a point to talk about the ways his own life and friendships are better because he follows these principals. He talks about being able to influence coworkers, friends, clients. He talks about how to deal with others' frustrations. But he doesn't influence them for selfish benefits, unless you count a better relationship with those around you as selfish. Perhaps it is. The definition of manipulation is exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage. Now in my opinion, if someone with devious intent picked up this book and started living by its principals, they would either be forced to give up the devious intentions, or else soon give up living by the book's principals because its just not quick enough or easy enough to give honest appreciation all the time, to let people talk through their frustrations entirely without butting it, and to always encourage others to talk about themselves. In fact writing this blog makes me realize I really need to read this book again and try doing those things better.

(Side note, I fully realize this is not even close to being a substitute for the principals of living by the doctrines of scripture. Study of the doctrine will change behavior better than the study of behavior will change behavior. Yep)

Im shy! Unbelievably Shy!!

People have funny expectations of children and babies. Of course, every parent hopes their child will be quick to learn to talk walk and crawl. We probably assume that the quicker a child is to progress, the smarter they will be (Of course thats not always true. Not even close. Albert Einstein took three years to learn to walk. Stupid kid) . We expect our babies to be jolly and outgoing. We assume they will get along equally with everyone. Even though I have a hard time not believing these things myself, I realize deep down that thier silly. But even more silly is that people expect it of other people's children as well. Like People are always trying to get babies to smile at them. Its a rush. But babies who won't are...somewhat of a disappointment. People who don't get a smile from your baby are even prone to tell stories about such and such baby that always smiles at them. And its hard in that situation not to apologize for your baby, saying something like, "I don't know why she's that way," Or, "Hes just tired and hungry, it has nothing to do with you." Do we honestly think babies cant be shy unless something wrong with them? And when they get older, undoubtedly, you're toddler will encounter someone they don't get along with. I can't tell you how many times I heard, "She usually not like that, I don't know why shes being so mean," Its not just something we say in passing either, many many hours of worrying and conversation has gone into why this toddler doesn't get along with that toddler. Now I'm not saying we should condone meanness ever, but why should we be surprised that a toddler is different with one person that they are with another. As adults we don't get along with everyone exactly the same way. Different people make you feel differently.

And my favorite one is we always want our babies to sleep all the way through the night. Now this one has good reason, cuz if they aren't sleeping, we aren't either. And there are lots of ways to help your child sleep through the night. But even a baby who's technically been sleeping through the night since they were three months old has days when she won't. Something upsets the schedule. And some babies just have a harder time at night than others. Well of course. Do all adults sleep through the night every night? If so, there wouldn't be so many sleep medications and aids out there. Lots of people have a hard time sleeping. We're silly to think babies wouldn't be the same.

Now let me say that even though my logic thus far has been "Babies are people too" this logic doesn't always hold up. Babies are different from people. Their habits are largely directed by their parents. And their needs are obviously different. For instance I had someone try to tell me that I shouldn't only be breastfeeding my baby because he would get sick of it. "Wouldn't you get tired of just drinking milk all day?" Well, of course this is false logic. Babies don't have the same taste buds or digestive ability as adults do. Anything but mothers milk could be hard on their system, and I have to say they like it. Even after they start eating other things, they keep wanting just the mothers milk just as much as before. Besides mothers milk is nothing like cows milk. Cows milk was made for baby cows. Mothers milk is a whole meal, designed just for your baby. Just thought I would add that in.