This is something that frustrates me alot, but its such a delicate subject, I can never think how to broach it: Pornography. Its a scary subject for some, sensitive for others, and silly for (I hate to say) the majority. I know most people in the world don't believe that viewing pornography is a bad thing. But I'm not really talking to those people here. I'm talking to those who believe porn is damaging. Many of us know that anyone can get addicted to porn, but I'm not sure we really think about women as being part of that "anyone". Today in church I heard a statistic that was a bit shocking. 14% of LDS women are addicted to pornography. These are women who do believe pornography is bad and detrimental to their eternal soul, and yet can't quit!
I think part of the problem comes because too many women think we, as women, aren't vulnerable (and therefore sometimes we put ourselves in compromising situations). And also I honestly think many women don't really know what porn is. I know that seems like I'm not giving us enough credit, but let me explain.
I don't think the same kinds of porn attract women as men. Its been said many times that men are more visual than women. Typically, when we think of porn, we think of the visual stuff: pictures and movies namely. But there is a whole other category thats basically non visual. I'm talking about romance erotica: Romance novels(you know the kind) and sometimes even romance movies. Women may not be all that stimulated by pictures, but throw a little romance in there, and some women can be just as hooked as some men. In my educated opinion, anything that leads a person to think lastingly about intimate situations, not in direct relation to your spouse, is pornography. And yes, many romances do just that. On purpose.
So the result is that women young and old, who didn't intend on subjecting themselves to anything questionable are getting addicted to pornography. And the same consequences apply as they do for any kind of porn addiction: spiritual deadening, guilt, damage to self esteem. It effects every relationship ever after, and can damage your sex life with your husband. And it can lead to much much worse.
The good news is that once you've read or seen romance pornography even once, even if you didn't know what it was before, you would know afterwards. The feelings are unmistakable. The spirit always lets you know when its been offended. Unfortunately, for some women, by then its already too late. What am I trying to do then? Keep the innocent but conscientious away from even getting that first taste. Avoid romances that may have prolonged sex scenes. Avoid (dare I say it) Harlequin romances. I know someone's going to hate me for saying that, but I speak from experience when I say most of them are pure porn. And its sometimes hard to tell which ones aren't until its too late. Avoid anything that stimulates you in a way only your husband should.
I hope in the future more and more is brought to light about this subject, so that our numbers of LDS women addicted to porn can drop even lower. It starts now.
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5 comments:
It is a difficult subject to breach. And our definition does often leave out the kind of porn that women are susceptible to. I think it needs be an integral part of the subject when discussed.
I'd like to add, that as far as I can tell, current historical romances also fall into the porn category.
Interesting statistics and interesting post. I think something else that is important when talking about addictions is the fact that there is a way back if you slip. There is repentance and there is hope in Christ helping us change "bad habits" and moving back to a place where the Spirit can be with us. Women that get addicted to Porn or smutty books can break the cycle of addiction and get help. The Bishop or even getting on your knees and asking for help daily might be what it takes, or both. What else is the Atonement for when a mess is made in our lives?
Thanks for posting about a hard subject for us all.
I am actually REALLY picky about what media I encounter. I know it bothers some people and makes others think I am naive and dumb. But it has been such a blessing in my life. I only watch PGs and even then there are some crazy ones that are full of smutt.
And, I love that you pointed out books too. I have found that I can't even read many books that aren't violent or have very inappropriate sexual content. It stinks. But I suppose I should just find other things to occupy my time like giving service or work on a talent or hobby. They won't detract from feeling the spirit.
I agree that women are more susceptible to the "romance" version of porn, but I am pretty sure that this is not what the statistic is referring to. I think it refers to traditional porn. And although many more women are addicted to the romance version I think it is important to realize and discuss that many women are addicted to traditional porn.
I have never heard anyone in a church meeting even mention this as an option. Even the few that do make the nod toward women and their romance porn seem to suggest that that is the only type of porn that women are susceptible to.
The two biggest dangers that I see to not discussing this is that 1)it makes women overconfident when encountering dangerous images. and 2) it isolates and embarrasses those that do have a problem discouraging them from seeking help.
Thanks for the great post.
Thank you for posting this. I wish that the Church talked more about how woman can become addicted to pornography. I was addicted to erotic fiction for several years during high school. It was terrible, and I felt so embarassed, because they never talked about this at Church, and I thought I was the only one. It is a problem, and it needs to be spoken out about. Thank you!
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