* THREE FUNDAMENTAL TECHNIQUES IN HANDLING PEOPLE
* THE SIX WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE LIKE YOU
* THE TWELVE WAYS TO WIN PEOPLE TO YOUR WAY OF THINKING
* THE NINE WAYS TO CHANGE PEOPLE WITHOUT AROUSING RESENTMENT
I consider myself a nice person, I don't like manipulation. If my father hadn't given me this book and told me to read it, I would never have done so and probably would have been suspicious and judgemental about people who did read it. I mean, for goodness sake, techniques in handling people? and the last one might as well have said how to fix people without arousing suspicion.Well, over the years I've noticed that those who say this is a worthless manipulative book are those who have not read it. I've never hear anyone who has read it say anything but absolute life-changing, positive things about it. And to those who did say negative things about it, I almost always have said, "well, yes it could be used for manipulation, but that wasn't the intent so its not a manipulative book." But I've changed my mind. Someone who reads this book from beginning to end couldn't truly use it for manipulation. I know that may be hard to believe, and I probably won't convince you (you'll probably have to read it for yourself) but let me give you some examples of the actual content, and perhaps I can change your mind.
In the chapter about honest and sincere appreciation:
"people sometimes become invalids in order to win sympathy and attention, and get a feeling of importance. . . some authorities declare that people may actually go insane in order to find, in the dreamland of insanity, the feeling of importance that has been denied them in the harsh world of reality. If some people are so hungry for a feeling of importance that they actually go insane to get it, imagine what miracle you and I can achieve by giving people honest appreciation this side of insanity."
and from a chapter about becoming genuinely interested in other people:
"For years, I made it a point to find out the birthdays of my friends. How? Although I haven't the foggiest bit of faith in astrology, I began by asking the other party whether he believed the date of ones birth has anything to do with character and disposition.I then asked him or her to tell me the month and day of birth. I then kept repeating the date to myself and the minute my friends back was turned, I wrote it down and transferred it to a birthday book. And when that day arrived, there was my letter or telegram. I was frequently the only person who remembered."
and :
"Why talk about what we want? that is childish. Absurd. Of course you are interested in what you want. You are eternally interested in it. But no one else is. The rest of us are just like you: we are interested in what we want. . . if you want to know how to make people shun you and laugh behind your back and even despise you, here is the recipe: never listen to anyone for long. Talk incessantly about yourself."
This book is a study in psychology and sociology. But in my opinion, it could have been just as easily named "How to be a caring, unselfish influence in the lives of those around you."
Then why wasn't it? Well, I think partially because Dale Carnegie believes what he said in that last paragraph. He believes the readers will not read a book in order to care better for others, but that we would only do it if it got us what we want.
And, as I said, its not just the title, honestly he does make a point to talk about the ways his own life and friendships are better because he follows these principals. He talks about being able to influence coworkers, friends, clients. He talks about how to deal with others' frustrations. But he doesn't influence them for selfish benefits, unless you count a better relationship with those around you as selfish. Perhaps it is. The definition of manipulation is exerting shrewd or devious influence especially for one's own advantage. Now in my opinion, if someone with devious intent picked up this book and started living by its principals, they would either be forced to give up the devious intentions, or else soon give up living by the book's principals because its just not quick enough or easy enough to give honest appreciation all the time, to let people talk through their frustrations entirely without butting it, and to always encourage others to talk about themselves. In fact writing this blog makes me realize I really need to read this book again and try doing those things better.
(Side note, I fully realize this is not even close to being a substitute for the principals of living by the doctrines of scripture. Study of the doctrine will change behavior better than the study of behavior will change behavior. Yep)
